St Gray Academy
by Lemon Pigeons
Summary: Hijinks and hotness ensue at St. Gray Academy, where Allen quickly finds out that the only way to survive this high school hell is to be as crazy as the rest of them. But there is a dastardly plot to take down the school from the inside! Multi-pairings.
1. A Mysterious Group

Title: Saint Gray Academy

Definite Pairings: Cross/Anita, one-sided Kanda/Anita, one-sided Bak/Lenalee, Mahoja/Klaud, Krory/Miranda, Bak/Fou, one-sided Road/Allen, Lavi/Chomsuke (Many of these aren't permanent, and there will be others, but they are undecided as of yet)

Humor/General/Romance/Crack

Rating: T

A/N: Hey everyone, this is a joint account between **Fanastixx** and **Jilligan9223**. We've been thinking about this idea for a long time, and already have about 50 chapters planned. So expect a long fic :). We hope this is a good dose of crazy, we mostly came up with this story poking fun at Kanda and Cross, and Lero being a Math teacher. But no bashing, we love them all, we swear!

So we hope you enjoy reading! If there are any mistakes, please don't hesitate to tell us.

A/N2: This is just a prologue, other chapters will be longer. And we know that their ages aren't correct, we modified them so the story would make sense. Hope that doesn't bug anyone too much! :D

* * *

**LIST OF CHARACTERS**

Students-

Allen Walker- 10th  
Lenalee Lee- 10th  
Lavi- 12th  
Yu Kanda- 12th  
Road Kamelot- 9th  
Arystar Krory- 11th  
Miranda Lotto- 11th  
Jasdero- 11th  
Devit- 11th  
Howard Link- 12th  
Daisya Barry- 11th  
Noise Marie- 10th  
Fou- 12th  
Lou Fa- 9th  
Chomesuke- 9th  
Emilia- 10th  
Timothy- 6th (doesn't go to this school)

Teachers and School Staff-

Millenium Earl- Principal  
Malcolm C. Rouvelier- Vice Principal  
Cross Marian- Music  
Lero- Math  
Klaud Nine- English  
Bookman- Librarian  
Komui Lee- Physics  
Reever Wenhamm- Biology  
Bak Chan- Chemisty  
Tyki Mikk- Physical Education  
Froi Tiedoll- Art  
Kevin Yeeger- History  
Jerry- Home Ec/Cafeteria Chef  
Anita- School Counselor  
65- Janitor  
Johnny Gill- Computer Techingues  
Lulu Bell- Secretary/Leader of Student Council

* * *

**TIME: UNKNOWN  
LOCATION: UNKNOWN**

Six dark figures sit along a large dining room table. They are blanketed by shadow and an air of mystery pervades the room like a mist. The largest figure stands and clears his throat, all motion and chatter ceases. He commands total silence.

With a gleaming smile, he raises a glass. "A toast!" He cries, five glasses shoot up. "A toast, to our future victory. For now, all the actors have joined the stage, and soon Saint Gray Academy will be ours!" A cheer. He raises a hand to silence the commotion.

"For four years I have run that wretched place, and for four years I have failed to bring it to ruin. But now, with my faithful Noahs at my side, we will be unstoppable."

Another round of cheers, the revelry quickly fading to dank silence once more.

"Finally....finally, we will have our long-awaited revenge!"

**TBC...**

* * *

Jilligan: You know, I kinda feel like we jipped the readers with this chapter...  
Fanastixx: That's okay, a lot more is coming. Seriously, a whole lot.  
Jilligan: Yeah, and we'll try to have a chapter up by tomorrow or so to make up for this tiny one.  
Both: We hope you enjoyed! Comments and criticism appreciated! :D :D


	2. First Day Of Hell

Title: St. Gray Academy- First Day Of Hell  
Pairings: Anita/Cross right now, refer to 1st chapter for the others (plus more, secret ones? Hehe)  
Humor/General

A/N: Whew, we managed to crank this chapter out in one day, it was intense. A thank you to **MitarashiiDango** for reviewing that small first chapter (that was our attempt at plot...don't expect to see that again for a while XD). Thank you for reading, if you see any mistakes please tell us!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Allen…Allen."

Allen Walker briefly stirred. The angelic voice was calling to him, but the thrall of sleep was too strong. The voice drifted away, as did he back into the arms of slumber.

"-llen…ake..p" he frowned. There it was again! Couldn't he get one moment of peace?

"Allen." A gentle pressure on his cheek. The white-haired boy blearily opened his eyes to see the sweet face and long black hair of his uncle's girlfriend Anita.

She smiled down softly at him, her whole countenance radiating peace and calm. "Finally awake, I see," she said, running a hand through Allen's long bangs. "Get up honey; you have to get ready for school."

"Nooooo!!" Allen cried, the aura of peace destroyed. He threw the blanket over himself and cowered underneath, crying. "I'm never going back there, you can't make me!"

Anita stood by the bed, sighing. She was used to this scenario; the boy pulled it every day last year when he was a freshman. She laid her hand upon the quivering blanketed figure and said in a soothing tone, "It's okay dear; both your uncle and I will be there for you. Everything will be fine."

Allen's snowy head popped out from underneath the covers. "Exactly! Cross will be there, he's terrifyi-"

The bedroom door opened with a bang. Cross Marian stood in its frame, shirtless and with his hair in disarray; a scowl etched deeply into his face.

"Stop making such a racket you damn brat! How can I style my hair when you're in here squealing like a girl!"

Allen shot up, "I'm the girl!? Who's bitching about styling their hair?"

Anita sighed, here they go again…

Cross stomped over to the bed; Allen dived under the covers with a squeak. The older man grabbed hold of the blanket and ripped it off violently. "Get your lazy, no-good, punk ass outta that bed or so help me God, I will end you!"

Allen jumped out of bed to cling onto Anita's waist, Cross growled. "Anita, he's being mean to me again! Make him sleep on the couch!"

"Why you little-"

"Now boys," Anita said with a smile, "Please calm down and get ready for school. **Now.**" Both men immediately jumped to attention, no one liked to deal with the woman when she was angry. Cross left the room, grumbling and cursing. The black-haired woman turned her attention to Allen again, "Hurry up and get dressed, sweetie. I made you a special first day of school breakfast." She left the room, leaving an appeased Allen in her wake.

"Anita is the best person ever…" He turned towards his desk where Anita had already laid out his school uniform. A sigh escaped the teenager's lips, why did summer have to end?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Seeing as how both Anita and Cross worked on the school faculty, Allen had the terrible misfortune of having to arrive at the school at least an hour earlier then most other students. It was incredibly dull, but at least his two other friends, Lavi and Lenalee, were in the same unlucky boat (Lavi's grandfather ran the school library, and Lenalee's brother was the Physics teacher).

Allen loitered around outside the entrance of the school while Cross and Anita went inside to get ready. Speaking of his friends, where were they?

-.-..-.-.-.-.-

"Pedal faster, I don't want to be late." The old man commanded the red-haired youth.

"If you wanna complain, why don't YOU pedal the bike, Gramps-OW! Don't hit me while I'm steering!" Lavi whined, looking over his shoulder to glare at his short grandfather Bookman. The old man whacked him on the head with his pipe again, "Keep your eyes on the road, fool."

"Goddamnit you old panda! Arr!!" Tears began to fill the boy's single eye as he tried to ignore the pain that was radiating throughout his skull.

"If I've told you once; I've told you twice: I am not a panda." Lavi scoffed. Bookman took a deep drag of his pipe, his attention turning towards the small children that were easily outstripping the two on the bike. "Faster!" Another whack on the head.

"Well, maybe if you didn't insist on bringing a mountain of books, this wouldn't be so difficult! This is a bike, old man, not a bus!"

"You know I hate those newfangled contraptions," the old man leaned back, enjoying the scene of his grandson slaving away to bring them closer to their destination.

"You could always let me get a car?" Lavi suggested with a wiggle of his eyebrow.

Another hit. "Stop talking nonsense, it's making me late."

The redhead pedaled harder, the sooner they got to school, the sooner the abuse would end.

-.-.-.-.-.- .-

"Lenalee… I think you should wear a longer skirt. I don't want those hormonal teenage boys looking at you!" Her older brother sniffed; holding up a newly tailored skirt to his younger sister.

Lenalee rolled her eyes as she added more sugar to the Science Department's coffee cups. She was ignoring him. Komui huffed, pushing the skirt towards the girl. "Lenalee…"

"This is my uniform Brother, I can't go changing it." she said, not even turning to him.

"B-but, those boys! What if your skirt drives them into frenzy and they impede upon your innocence?! Oh, it makes me cry just thinking about it!" Komui sobbed.

Lenalee turned around and thrust his finished coffee into his hand and said, "Stop talking crazy and drink this. I'm going to give these to the other science teachers." She hefted her tray and started towards the door.

Komui whimpered, "Can I come too?"

"No. Stay here and get ready for classes." The door closed with an air of finality.

"Sob, Lenalee is so mean to me…" Komui cried into the unwanted skirt.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Having given up on waiting outside for his friends, Allen was now roaming the empty hallways in hope of a familiar face to share his misery with. He was walking past the boy's locker room when all of a sudden the sound of pitiful sobbing reached his ears. Allen, being the kind and compassionate soul that he was, went to investigate.

He poked his head through the door, "Krory, is that you?"

The tall 11th grader with black and white hair looked up, his face a mess of tears and snot. He looked like an effeminate version of Dracula, one only clad in purple kitty boxers.

"Allen!" The poor man cried, springing to his feet. "Oh thank goodness, I've had the worst morning ever!" He latched onto the smaller boy like a leech, wildly sobbing into his shoulder.

Allen, a bit taken aback at being suddenly attacked by a very naked Krory, just settled for patting his unclothed shoulder and asking, "Uhm…I don't doubt that. What happened?"

"Oh Allen, it was horrible! My grandfather threw me out of the house at five this morning without even giving me a chance to dress because he wanted to do Spring cleaning!"

"Isn't it almost Fall?"

"I know! An-and I had to walk through the harsh, lonely streets to school with nothing to wear but my undergarments and a cape he threw at my head. It missed and fell in a puddle though…anyway, those evil twins, Jasdero and Devit, stole it and now I can't leave because I'm indecent! Please help meeeee!"

Allen felt his righteous anger rise up, he had a keen hatred for bullies (it spawned from living with Cross). Carefully prying himself away from Krory's clutches, he said in a reassuring manner, "Don't worry, I think the office has some extra uniforms. Why don't I go get you one? Wait right here and I'll be back soon.

Krory smiled through his river of tears and sadness. "Thank you! You are my hero!"

"Anything for a friend, Krory." Allen said, going back through the door and into the hall.

And Allen thought his first day was going bad.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Allen dashed through the hallways, on a mission. In his haste he skidded around a corner and almost ran into his longtime friend Lenalee Lee. (Un)luckily Lenalee had amazing reflexes, and stopped his mad dash with a mid-kick to the stomach, not even dropping her coffee tray.

"Oh, Allen! How are you? You know you aren't supposed to be running in the halls…" She said in a bubbly manner with a hint of reproach.

Allen coughed, every year her famous kicks got stronger. "I'm...*hack* fine…How about you?"

"I'm good, just giving the Science teachers their morning coffee. I already gave cups to Johnny and Reever, and now only Bak is left. Where were you going in such a hurry?"

"I need to go to the office to get Krory a uniform; the Jasdevi twins stole his cape."

Lenalee cocked her head in confusion. "His…cape?"

Allen sighed, "It's a long, tragic story. Wait a second, you just said Bak, right?" he cried with a hint of fear.

"Why yes, I haven't gone to the Chemistry room yet…why do you ask?"

"U-uhm, no reason…" Allen chuckled hesitantly, it was a poorly kept secret that their Chemistry teacher Bak had an unhealthy obsession with Lenalee, even going so far as to have a secret photo collection of her on his computer labeled 'My future wife'. Only the girl herself seemed to be unaware of his affections.

Suddenly Allen was hit with a brilliant idea. "Say Lenalee, why don't I take this coffee over to Bak and you get a uniform from secretary Lulu Bell? I know you two get along well."

"Sure, I've wanted to talk to her about student council anyway, here you go." She handed him the tray and flounced off, pigtails swishing while she walked. She turned around and waved, "See you by the lockers, Allen!"

Allen sighed happily. Crisis averted.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The journey to the Chemisty lab was a rather short and uneventful one compared to the others he'd had that morning. Allen stopped in front of the door numbered 604 and took a deep breath to prepare him for whatever crazy plan Bak had up his sleeve this time.

Upon entering the classroom Allen's nose was hit with the overwhelming stench of cheap cologne- the kind pathetic bachelors bought in hopes that it would help in attracting the ladies. Instantly Allen's gaze was drawn to the front of the room where, to his abject horror, stood their very…very strange Chemistry teacher Bak, leaning up against his desk in what the man obviously thought was a provocative pose, shirt halfway unbuttoned so the world could see his non-existent six pack. To make matters worse, clutched between his lips was a single red rose. Bak's eyes were unfocused and glazed over, giving the poor boy a come-hither look.

Allen jerked forward, feeling his breakfast making a return trip. "Uhhh…."

"Oh…" the blond man glanced up, surely expecting Lenalee where Allen now stood, "Lenalee, I'm sorry you had to see me like thi-whaa?!" Instead of a girl, Bak saw a boy Instead of green hair there was white, with no adorable pigtails. Allen watched in dismay as the man broke out into a fit of uncontrollable hives. He scurried about, cleaning his desk as if by doing so he would be able to make up for whatever mental damage he'd just put poor Allen through.

"I-i-i-It's n-n-not what it looks like! I swear! I wasn't planning on seducing Lenalee when she walked through the door and I didn't plan on us catching a plane together to Vegas and getting married! It's not like that at all!" Allen watched him rip up what surprisingly looked like plane tickets into tiny pieces.

The two men stood in silence, Bak gasping for breath while a very disturbed Allen just stood there blankly, eyes faintly twitching.

"You're creepy…" The snowy-haired boy finally stated, and then carefully placed the coffee mug on an empty desk before retreating towards safety.

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.

"Dammit Yu, why didn't you wake me up this morning?!" The very short senior screeched, punching her tall black-haired friend in the arm.

"Hn. Like it's my job to be your alarm clock, Fou."

Fou's face turned an angry pink to match her hair. "It IS, you ass, ever since you broke mine with your stupid kendo sword!"

Kanda groaned in annoyance. "Are you on your period again?" Another swift punch was delivered to the man who let out a small grunt of pain; that was going to leave a serious bruise the next day. The two stopped at the crosswalk. "Seriously, why are you acting all bitchy?"

Fou whined, "Because how am I gonna spend some alone time with Bak now?"

"You're still going on about that loser? You could do better."

"Shut the hell up, you just don't understand. Whenever he cries, my heart sings with delight! He is my sensitive Prince Charming, I know it."

Kanda snorted, it was as close to a laugh as he would probably ever get. "Him? A Prince Charming? More like the damsel in distress." Fou wound up for another vicious punch, but stopped when she saw Bookman and Lavi ahead of them on a weather-beaten bike with a bag of books attached to each handlebar, going at snail's pace.

The short girl burst out laughing at the spectacle. "Hey Yu, isn't that your best friend Lavi?"

The other boy sneered. "Hmph. He is **not** my friend." Fou ran up to the bike, Kanda hurrying his pace to match hers.

"Heya old man! Heya stupid rabbit!" She cried. Kanda snorted, stupid rabbit…he better write that one down.

"Hey Yu…hey midget…can't talk, dying…" Lavi panted, laying across the handlebars in exhaustion.

Hit. "Don't call me Yu." Hit. "I'm not a midget!" Hit. "Faster! We're almost there."

Almost there, those words were like honey to his poor beaten soul.

Fou sidled up next to him, a Cheshire grin on her face, "Hey bunny, that looks pretty heavy…want my help?"

Lavi's one eye sparkled with hope. "YES, you angel!"

"Now that's what I like to hear…" she winked at her best friend Kanda then jumped up onto the handlebars. "Onward!" she cried.

"Ugh…" Lavi was too tired to even throw a fit. Finally, the school gates came into sight. With a cheer he slipped off to lie on the ground, massaging his aching thighs.

"I've never been happier to be at school."

Kanda hmphed, "Wimp."

The school bell rang; Lavi peeled himself off the ground with some trouble.

"See you later Gramps, gotta go to the orientation meeting."

Bookman grabbed the retreating boy's shirt, halting him. "Not so fast boy, for making me late you're helping me carry all these books to the library."

Lavi groaned pathetically. The first day of school had just started and it was already a nightmare.

**TBC...**

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Jilligan9223: Is it over? *hands shaking from rapid typing*

Fanastixx: *same problem* No way, this is only the beginning!

Jilligan9223: What have we done?!

Both: We hope you enjoyed! Comments and criticism appreciated. :D :D


End file.
